Words to Heal By

20 May 2013
 
"Your task is not to let go. You will never let go. Why? Because your dear one will always be a part of you, intricately part of your mind and soul. Instead, your task is to carry your dear one into every part of your life. They are with you, always." - Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief

I did not realize the implication of this thought until  just this year. I no longer try to squelch deep grief attacks. Now when I have a sudden memory, yearning, or guilty feeling I try to respond to myself with compassion. I revel in the memory if it's a good one, and I acknowledge the sad memories and redirect my thoughts. When I yearn for her I simply cry - there's no other solution for yearning for my daughter. When I am assailed by guilt for her depression, I tell myself that I can't change the past and it does nobody any good to assault myself with self-hate. I love my daughter and that is why my feelings are still so strong and sometimes deeply conflicted. She is worth every moment of emotion that I experience - no matter what.