18 March 2013
I found this video - Learn to Speak Body - on her old YouTube channel.
My girl was kind of "aspy," which is how my nephew with Asbergers refers his lack of ability to relate to people based on their facial expressions or body language. She loved deeply but people sometimes befuddled her. I wept for her awkwardness so many times because it sometimes caused her loneliness and embarrassment. Today I yearn to hold her in my arms and pet her hair to comfort her. The yearning makes me cry. I wish that we talked more about yearning in grief recovery. It's weird to me that I can still "feel" (for lack of a better word) her after all these years. Must be a mom thing, because I don't have the same yearning for my mom or dad or sister. I mean, sometimes I smell a flower or something cooking that reminds me of them, but with Kaylan I have the indwelling memory of how she felt in my arms, how her forehead smelled when she'd been sleeping, the sound of her footsteps in the hall...