27 December 2012

F@#K I HATE DEATH AND ILLNESS!!! Kaylan's good girlfriend lost her mama Christmas eve, my Goddaughter is very ill in the hospital and she's only 10 months old, and my sister is flying back to (she's here now) Seattle because her dear friend is dying of cancer, and one of my NAMI teachers just found out her BFF is on life support with a brain aneurysm. I mean, none of us are getting out of here alive, but REALLY!?!! Ufgh... I'm going to light every single candle in my house right now. Love you all so much!

I wrote that to my grief group. My range of emotions around grief used to move from shock to numbness to sadness to acceptance. Nowadays outrage and avoidance are as likely to show up. Earlier this year my husband's cousin died of suicide, and I could not make myself go to the funeral. I may have reached my limit.