Searching for GOD - Again
17 Mar 2018
Surviving the death of my child has led me back to my original faith, though the route back has been circuitous and trying. I tried to find a church that would fill my heart, but I found too many heartless people there. I worked my way through NAMI FaithNet, GriefShare, and Kay Warren's work on mental health and the church. None of those rang completely true, though not false either. I started taking what worked for me and leaving the rest where I found it. Then circa 2013, I began to notice that the church was so far away from the church of my youth that I couldn't stand it anymore. I can't stand that my Jesus who I grew with has been watered down to a petty sin counter. I was mad for a couple of years, then sad, and then I simply stepped away - not from Jesus - from the moneychangers in His temple. Where I went was to Patheos, to Sojourners, and of course to the Gospel of Matthew. These remind me of my good grandma who fed the hungry with her own hands from her own garden, of my mama who never looked down on anyone else, and my daughter who loved - and was loved by - so many others. I love NAMI FaithNet, which is an information exchange network of NAMI members, friends, clergy and congregations of all faith traditions who wish to create more welcoming and supportive faith communities for persons and families touched by serious mental illness. NAMI FaithNet also encourages the role of faith in recovery for those for whom faith is a key component of their experience. I think it's the recovery paradigm that speaks most to me - because my grief feels like a long illness.