I cry when I'm alone

It was surprising to me that my grief was still so strong after nearly a year and a half. The third year was the hardest for me. I am glad that I didn't know that then.

4 July 2012
To my mama friends ~ I cry a lot when I'm alone. I miss my daughter. I'm sad for the things I said wrong, or the things I didn't get to say to her. I'm sad that she didn't get to have her baby that she wanted so much. That she felt this loss I'm feeling - and that I didn't fully understand the pain and sadness of losing a child until I lost her. That I didn't know how to support her or ask the right questions. I didn't know miscarriage is just as sad as losing an adult child. I'm sad that she won't be here to meet her first niece/nephew in winter. I avoid holidays with family sometimes because of the other mothers who get to hold their children. I sometimes feel jealousy for other mothers with adult daughters, and I always feel raw hatred for the mothers who complain about their kids. Is this usual? Do you all still cry a lot when you're alone?

Erica KitzmanComment