It can't all be my fault *

           When my daughter died I was convinced it was my fault. Thoughts of my every wrongdoing as a parent popped into my memory with hateful intent. Constantly. Every parent makes mistakes, yet I was sure that mine had killed my child. Then one night I went to my grief group and there sat a photo of my friend's lost son - who I didn't know was an identical twin. Her sons were raised by the same parents in the same house in the same town. If only one of two identical twin young men could die while the other lived, then suicide couldn't be solely parent caused. There had to be some outside influence. This one small instance saved my soul from so much needless suffering.

Date: 17 May 2011
Source: Note to my online grief group

Darrell and I went to Heartbeat tonight and I got the most amazing gift. Another mom who is our age lost a son to suicide and he was an identical twin. I didn't know before but tonight she brought a photo of her boys. My gift is this. If identical twins are raised at the same time by the same parents, and one dies of suicide, it can't be the parenting. I am so sorry that she had to lose her precious son in order for me to receive this gift. I guess this is why we go to support groups. Sometimes the support comes out of left field. Nite everyone.